Confessions

I don't really know how to say this, so I'll just go ahead and put it this way: the whole "going green" thing ain't workin out. It's just not me. While I do like the idea of living more sustainably, going completely green isn't the way I'm going to be going about it. I'll try for a little explanation on what happened..

This year was pretty traumatic to say the least. My dad was diagnosed with liver cancer and given weeks to live and my mom had a minor heart attack. During this time I had an epiphany. I did lots of research because we were so frustrated with the way the doctors handled the situations. It was nothing out of the ordinary in the medical profession really, I suppose it was just because it was my parents that I took note.

My dad's doctor basically walked in and told him (on my birthday) that he had liver cancer and should get his affairs in order. My mom's doctor did a procedure (stints) and sent her home with a standard pamphlet on how to live from now on. Really?

So I started my own research on natural cancer cures and what to do after a heart attack. I went pretty deep. So far in fact that I determined that we were going to start eating all natural, healthy, meatless, vegan even. I also learned a lot about all the dangerous chemicals that are in our everyday products such as cleaning products, laundry detergent, even bath soaps.

I got really excited, everyone was gonna change everything. I looked up new ingredients and found recipes for natural cleaning products, shampoos, soaps, everything. Then, to my complete and utter shock, nobody else was interested. I visited my parents to find my mom frying pork chops and my dad eating endless bowls of reese's cups. I was rather confused. Why wasn't everyone as excited about this as I was?

Slowly I began to lose interest too. Although I've learned alot and still have an awareness of what we're eating and using to clean, I've realized that I want to eat steaks every now and again and I want my Dawn dishwashing liquid. I will continue to look for ways to live a better life, but not at the expense of my own sanity. It really was beginning to drive me crazy.

My dad passed away on December 3, 2012. I have to admit that until the very end, I thought he was gonna pull through even though every sign pointed against it. My mom, who had moved in to take care of him, has since moved into my place and I am now living at my dad's house. I still have a lot to "process". For now, I'm going to concentrate on what I know and who I am rather than trying to be something that I am not. Life is too short for that.

So, who am I?

Part of who I am is a stay at home wife and mom. My husband works out of town (painting and construction type work) so its just me and the kids the majority of the time. We live paycheck to paycheck and have for awhile. We live in a two bedroom mobile home in a very small town in middle Tennessee. I have three girls, one of whom chose to live with her dad. They are 15, 6, and 2 years old so I get a little bit of everything. I also have an 8 year old stepson that we don't get to see very much.

My husband and I are complete and total opposites with not much in common, but I love him all the same. We got married on the 4th of July in 2009 at my sister's house.

My 15 year old, Marion, is a captain on the color guard and is a sophomore in high school. Madilyn is 6 and is a peewee cheerleader (she was homecoming princess this year :), Mya is my 2 year old, she will be three in January and is still not potty trained and takes a bottle before bed. We are working on both of those issues but I would also like to add that she is super smart, if I do say so myself, and a fabulous dancer.

I have a kitten, who has yet to be named, and a dog named Pipes that I just inherited from my dad. I think he misses him as much or more than we do.

My car is a clunker, the reverse doesn't work, the driver side window won't roll down, the windows leak and it needs new brakes. I can't remember what kind it is off the top of my head, but its red. (I think its a Pontiac)

I have a big sister who is also a fellow blogger at Down South Savings. She is much more committed to blogging than I have been, hope you'll check out her blog. She has 4 kids, all about a year apart, the oldest is 15. She has 4 dogs, 2 cats, 2 hamsters, fish, frogs, horses, goats, chickens, and a husband and yet she manages to have an active blog.

I still smoke. I've tried quitting and have been unsuccessful so far.

I've gained about 15 pounds this past year (that's an estimate, I rarely weigh myself). I don't obsess over my weight but when I notice weight gain I do try to get some exercise in. On my "green" journey I discovered yoga was a pretty good fit for me and intend to work more into my schedule.

As for the other "parts" of who I am, I could go into the philosophical answer (which I intend to do here - My Journey to Spirituality) - yes I know there is nothing there, seems I'm a bit of a procrastinator.

Things that I like are entering sweepstakes and giveaways which I do more of here - Playing for Sweeps, or at least I will once I get myself back on track.

I also like organizing and am working on an updated version of my household notebook which I will be posting soon. I like gardening, I'm definitely an amateur but I enjoy doing it. I like decorating and DIY projects and will be focusing more on that in upcoming posts. I'm also very frugal (not always by choice) and I hope I'll be able to share some ideas on that here as well. You will be seeing some changes and reconstruction going on around here, all for the better (at least that's the goal).

Some of you may be asking if I feel like I've failed. My answer is a simple No. I feel many things right now and failure is not among them. One of the things that I do feel is relief after having written this post. I feel like some pressure has been taken off and it is a good feeling.

I thank you for stopping by.